Stonehellions Campaign BBS: Stonehell Broadsheet #5

NEWS ABOUT OLDE TOWYNE

* HUZZAH! VERONA, the young bride of ERROL FALCONI, patriarch of that esteemed clan of MUR, is with child—and BISHOP ALFRIC ORDANE has seen DIVINE PORTENTS that it will be a LAWFUL HEIR!

* In celebration of this joyous event, the Falconis have declared their intent to hold a GRAND FEASTE in OLDE TOWYN on the 6th of OCTOBER to celebrate the HY HARVEST, featuring the famed CHEESES OF RENNETON and the PEERLESS PIES OF DOUGHKEEP, as well as a JOUSTING CONTEST open to all LAWFUL KNIGHTS.

* As Falconi gold pours into Towyn for the upcoming holiday, fears of HOBGOBLYN OUTRIDERS are allayed, so WEAPONS AND ARMOR PRICES ARE BOOK-STANDARD.

ERROL and VERONA FALCONI

* ALACK! Though riding high on their horses just a week ago, TORVALD'S TEN has tested fate and tasted TRAGEDY!

Angels wept

* The expedition began well-augured, as the Ten expanded to TORVALD'S TWELVE with the addition of GIG THE USELESS and VALAN THE VALIANT (formerly of the COMPANY OF HEROES).

* However, a discordant note was sounded when CORDELIA THE CHASTE demanded the rogues return the MAP OF OLAGOXIA—which, it seems, they had absconded with in hopes of negotiating a RICH REWARD.

* After a failed attempt to lay the SMILING SPIRITS of THE GATES OF HELL to rest left an overzealous AMBROSE quivering in mortal terror, the conjoined men-at-arms ROLF AND DOLPH snuck into the CAVES OF COAL, having bribed the corpulent beast with a feast of cheese and sausage. However, they soon discovered that even a friendly bear like COAL has his limits when they found themselves thereafter trapped within, an angry ursine fast on their trail.

ROLF, slain by COAL

* And so Rolf met his untimely end in that black hole, torn in twain by tooth and claw for the temerity to traipse through a bear's lair.

* Miraculously, however, the pious prayers of CORDELIA THE CHASTE so moved the LORD OF LIGHT that Dolph was spared the same fate, though be he half the man that he was but a day ago.

* When deep in his cups, Dolph claims that Rolf's ghost cries for vengeance each night and seeks strong TRAPS with which to wreak his revenge on the blackhearted bear that took his twin.

* Adding insult to injury, the lackadaisical labors of ROLAND OF ERILLION so enraged DONAL OF DOUGHKEEP that he gained a well-deserved CLOUTING after Rolf's body was unceremoniously dropped in the muck-filled main street of OLDE TOWYN.

* In turn, Donal was thenceforth unmanned when STONE-FACED OLAF rose to answer Roland's mewling cries, and he delivered unto the bounty-killer so sound a clobbering that the grognard was left sprawling dumbly in the street.

Suffers but one fool

* Thusly, Torvald's Ten, while retaining the name ("it's aspirational," Torvald again notes), now consists of five heroes: Torvald the Exacting, Cordelia the Chaste, Ambrose the Aged Acolyte, Donal of Doughkeep, and Himbo Halfdan, and their four retainers Dolph the Cloven Twin, Cinderella the Linklass, Gig the Useless, and Valan the Valiant, being a grand total of nine gallants.

* MEH! A crier from MUR announces that the BROTHERHOOD OF PORTERS, LINKBOYS, AND DROVERS has come to terms with the SOCIETY OF SWORDSMEN AND SORCERESSES.

* Retainer fees are no longer required, being on a 'per expedition' basis, with either party able to end the contract upon return to LAWFUL CIVILIZATION, or kept on if all are in agreement.

* However, a GUARANTEE of RANSOM and WERGILD is required, held by a licensed third party (PENNYPINCHER FINANCIAL in Olde Town). Commonly, noncombatants require 5 gp held in ransom and 10 gp paid to their family in wergild, while men-at-arms ask for 10 gp for ransom and 25 gp in wergild, and henchmen will seek 25 gp ransom and 50 gp wergild PER LEVEL. These prices are not guaranteed, but are understood to be the going market rate.

* The new terms, the product of months of tense negotiations, are considered CRUELLY NEUTRAL by all, given that no parties are fully satisfied with the arrangement (save, perhaps, the PENNYPINCHER CLAN).

at the TWO-HEADED CALF

BENTLY GALPSI THE SNERG, former thrall of ROTHBARDON BRIMBITE, chief of the BLOODY-HANDED BAND, escaped a life of domestic servitude thanks to his superior foot-tickling technique. 1/2 share of XP and treasure if clan-mates are in the party, otherwise a full share of treasure is required to retain. 25 gp ransom, 50 gp wergild.

HUGI THE HUMBLE, knight-errant of superior quality, and his shetland steed LONGSTRIDER. Formerly of the SHROOMSPLITTER clan, Hugi was SAVED by the LIGHT of the LORD and now seeks to be treated "as any LAWFUL KNIGHT'. 1/2 share of XP and treasure, but will only serve a FIGHTING MAN who bests him in a CHIVALROUS JOUST. 25 gp ransom, 50 gp wergild.

GUILLAUME LE GRANDE, late of ERILLION but said to be originally of the TWELVE KINGDOMS, a rough-hewn, trash-talking sellsword known for his great bravery as well as his drunken, foolhardy antics. A MAN-AT-ARMS, Guillaume served alongside . . .

ANGUS THE ANALYTIC, a dour and taciturn MAN-AT-ARMS, the Spock to Guillaume's Bones, both he and Guillaume had served under the mustachioed mercenary captain VOLAND THE VILLAIN as part of his VENATORS. That is until being separated from the main force during a skirmish with the FIFTH HOBGOBLYN OCCUPATIONAL ARMY en route to join the ANTIPODAL CRUSADE some six months past. Each requires 1 gp/day during expeditions, 2 sp/day during downtime, 10 gp ransom, 25 gp wergild.

Alongside a few familiar faces:

CYRUS THE CYCLOP, seasoned DROVER capable of handling mules, horses, and wagons. A missing eye was skewered by an errant branch, but now he's "right as rain”. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town, 5 gp ransom, 10 gp wergild.

ROLAND OF ERILLION, seventh (or so) bastard of a prominent nobleman, Roland assures you that he is merely a “temporarily embarrassed graf” who works PORTAGE as a means to “stay in touch with the common man”. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. 50 gp ransom, 100 gp wergild ("thought it'll nought keep ye safe, I surely reckon," muses Olaf darkly.)

STONE-FACE OLAF, a dour and thickly-muscled military veteran who has been reduced to serving as a MAN-AT-ARMS due to partial paralysis on his left side from an old war wound. Will only work alongside ROLAND OF ERILLION for 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires neither ransom nor wergild ("I'll be damned before those misbegotten brats steal a copper from my corpse"), but assures employers that if young Roland should suffer from a misadventure “there would be holy hell to pay”. Will provide his own equipment.

SEEKING ADOPTION at the DOGMAN'S YARDE

* BLAWNDYE, a young WAR DOG of the finest alaunt butcher stock, he appears intelligent and eager to please, but possesses a craftiness and nervous energy like to test any master. 25 gp

* GARGANTUA, a molossus WAR DOG of prodigious size and strength, formerly owned by LOUIE THE LURCHER, who met his end in CASTLE XYNTILLIAN when turned to STONE by a GOATRICE. Though of middle years, still considered to be an exceptional beast. 45 gp

SERVICES AVAILABLE AT THE OLDE TOWYN DIOCESE

Holy Water: 25 gp, 3 flasks available

Antivenom: 100 gp, allows for an additional save vs poison, 1 flask available

RARE ITEMS from THE PENNYPINCHER COLLECTION

Our first item comes from the personal effects of SGT. HENRI D'ARAMITZ, who met his doom in CASTLE XYNTILLIAN, seduced by SYBILLE MALEVOL aka the WIDOWMAKER.
Identified as a PRIME ROD, it is believed to serve as a magical key to the accompanying TREASURE MAP, which may lead to the HYQUEOUS VAULTS, believed to be somewhere in the STONECROWS.
Price: 1400 GP