Stonehell Broadsheet #3

NEWS

• HOBGOBLYN OUTRIDERS have been spotted by the WARDEN RANGERS of GORNATE FOREST, scouting farmsteads outlying OLDE TOWYN.

• The Rangers warn that such scouts oft presage a larger force, and advise travellers to move in numbers to discourage banditry.

• This development is only the latest in a long series of troubles to emerge from the WILDERLANDS of the Forest Gornate and the STONECROW MOUNTAINS that loom to the North and West.

• The Rangers, who recently won a decisive victory against the ALMSMEN, a gang of brigands that had been plaguing the ELFROAD to MUR, are often the only LAW in the Wilderlands that have claimed much of the outer provinces of the REALM OF MAN.

• Consequently, the OLDE TOWYN GUARD is unusually alert and active in manning the earthen walls that surround the village. Further, due to panicked buying by the local gentry, the SMITH has had to RAISE PRICES by 20% on all WEAPONS and ARMOR to keep up with demand.

THE SERMON OF ST. RAS

• Since returning to OLDE TOWYN, ACOLYTE MELCHIOR has been beset by NIGHT VISIONS, his dreams filled with the stern countenance of SAINT RAS, the patron of duty and fidelity, who harangues our Cleric from the HEAVENLY GATES. 

• Much of what is said is lost in a thunderous din of trumpeting horns and crashing symbols, the accompanying CHERUBS providing free jazz ambience to the saint's exhortations. Still, a sample of what could be understood is provided:

This be the tyme for choosing / thee LORD gave yew this lyfe to glorifye the LAW and not thyself / How each may beste serve HIM then should be the foremost conceryn for everye Man / Yet, each was doled a portion of HIS wyll, but none equal in measure / And so no symple answer may be applyed to all / Instead, each muste look into their hearts--and to the LORD above--to decyde what is beste / Hark ye, though: once set upon one's holy purpose, each Man must determyne themselves to seeing it through / For when ye stand upon the SCALES OF JUDGEMENT, shirkers will quickly be carried down by their sin into PERDITION while the steadfast will surely be rewarded for all eternity

FOR HIRE at the TWO-HEADED CALF

CINDERELLA, impoverished waif of 12 who has been forced by her evil stepsisters into becoming a LINKLASS. Preternatural beauty, go-get-’em attitude, heart of gold. AC 9, 1 HP. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires 5 gp retainer.

CYRUS THE CYCLOP, seasoned DROVER capable of handling mules, horses, and wagons. A missing eye was skewered by an errant branch, but now he's "right as rain”. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires 5 gp retainer.

COURTEOUS CARLO, former squire hobbled by his lord's warhorse, now an aging dandy who works as a VALET and bodyman. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires 5 gp retainer. 

IANNA GALPSI, free-range mummer, tumbler, fortune-teller, jester, chimney-sweep, bootblack, and VALET. Female hobbit of middle years with a quick tongue and striking salt-and-pepper curls. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires 5 gp retainer.

ROLAND OF ERILLION, seventh (or so) bastard of a prominent nobleman, Roland assures you that he is merely a “temporarily embarrassed graf” who works PORTAGE as a means to “stay in touch with the common man”. 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires 5 gp retainer. 

STONE-FACE OLAF, a dour and thickly-muscled military veteran who has been reduced to serving as a MILITIAMAN due to partial paralysis on his left side from an old war wound. Will only work alongside ROLAND OF ERILLION for 1 gp/day on adventures, 1 sp/day while in town. Requires no retainer, but assures employers that if young Roland should suffer from a misadventure “there would be holy hell to pay”. Will provide his own equipment.

ROLF AND DOLPH, conjoined twins who have recently come of age, ROLF AND DOLPH having started as a pair of linkboys but who have saved enough to retrain as MILITIAMEN. They maintain a strict code of secrecy regarding former adventures and employers. 2 gp/day on adventures, 2 sp/day while in town. Wearing specially-crafted leather armor and wielding a short sword and a spear, Rolf and Dolph require additional equipment before joining, as well as a 'heart-felt' apology from LARRY THE FRIEND.

SERVICES AVAILABLE at the OLDE TOWYN DIOCESE

Holy Water: 25 gp, 4 flasks available

Antivenom: 100 gp, allows for an additional save vs poison, 2 flasks available

RARE ITEMS from THE PENNYPINCHER COLLECTION

Carved ivory tusk - 50 GP

Silver cup - 20 GP

Crystal decanter - 45 GP

Jade ring - 250 GP

Dagger with jeweled scabbard - 600 GP

Chill Parasol - 5000 GP

LEVEL TITLES

All classes have titles that are gained as they level.

The following titles are listed below for classes currently in play.

Cleric

1: Acolyte

2: Deacon

3: Chaplain

4: Pastor

5: Rector

6: Vicar

7: Prelate

8: Abbot

9: Bishop

10: Exarch

11: Saint, Local

12: Archbishop

13: Metropolitan

14: Patriarch

15: Saint, Minor

16: Cardinal

17: Apostle

18: Pontiff 

19: Saint, Major

20: Pope

Fighting Man

1: Greenhorn

2: Veteran

3: Man-at-Arms

4: Knight-Errant

5: Sergeant

6: Sergeant Major

7: Lieutenant

8: Knight Bachelor

9: Lord

10: Captain

11: Knight Banneret

12: Baron

13: Major

14: Viscount

15: Lieutenant Colonel

16: Earl

17: Colonel

18: Duke

19: General

20: King

Hobbit

1: Snerg

2: Beggar

3: Hairfoot

4: Halfling

5: Sidekick

6: Hobbit

7: Deputy

8: Sheriff

9: Clan Chief

10: Lord Mayor

Thief

1: Lurcher

2: Footpad

3: Cutpurse

4: Graverobber

5: Bandit

6: Cat Burglar

7: Raider

8: Guildsman

9: Thief

10: Reaver

11: Marauder

12: Bandit Chief

13: Cracksman

14: Master Thief

15: Villain 

16: Guildmaster 

17: Plunderer

18: Mastermind 

19: Prince of Thieves

20: Kingpin of Crime

Witch

1: Aspirant

2: Initiate

3: Handmaiden

4: Sister

5: Elder Sister

6: Priestess

7: Mistress

8: Enchantress

9: Witch

10: Sorceress

11: Oracle

12: Night-Witch

13: Magistrix

14: Mistress of the Dark

15: Perfect Priestess

16: Countess of Chaos

17: High Priestess

18: Wicked Witch

19: Bride of Satan

20: Witch-Queen

ON WITCHES & WIZARDS

• Magic-Users are comprised of at least two types: WITCHES and WIZARDS. 

• Witches form covens on moonlit nights in the wild places beyond the gaze of Men, where they might frolic nakedly and pay homage to the forces of CHAOS (or, in the case of those rare WHITE WITCHES, the HEAVENLY HOST).

• Witches were initially taught their craft by the UNSEELIE, otherworldly elfin ladies who stalk the night, whispering forbidden secrets to those who would listen and cavorting with the wild spirits of the WODE.

• As the ELFS faded from the REALM OF MAN, the tradition was passed down generationally, but Man was forbidden to learn the secrets of witchery, just as Woman was denied the LAWFUL PRIESTHOOD.

• That is until MATH THE MAD MAN managed to espy on the MIDNIGHT MASS, and learned the Witches' secrets forthwith. From him, the master-apprentice tradition of WIZARDRY has slowly developed, though barely tolerated by the various covens that dot the landscape.

• In the FOREST GORNATE, outside of OLDE TOWYN, the SIDEREAL SISTERHOOD holds regular masses, led by ELVIRA, MISTRESS OF THE DARK. PC Witches can turn to the Sisterhood for fellowship and training.

• Upon gaining a new level, Magic-Users have a chance gain 1 spell of each level they have access to through personal insights. These spells may be determined randomly, which guarantees success, or they may chose spells from the list provided in Labyrinth Lord but must roll on their Chance to Learn Spell, determined by Intelligence (see next point). Otherwise, spells must be taught or transcribed from a scroll or spellbook.

• The number of spells that a Magic-User may know, as well as their max spell level and chance to learn a new spell when transcribing from a spellbook, is determined by Intelligence. Please consult with the DM for these numbers. 

• Magic-Users may additionally research unique spells of their own devising, which do not count towards the maximum number of spells per level, though it is an expensive and time-consuming process and few in this LEADEN AGE are capable of such feats.

• At 9th level, Magic-Users may create scrolls and potions, while at 11th level they can create other magic items, though--as with spell invention--the process is obscure today and requires a significant investment in time and resources. 

A CENOTAPH FOR SIR DUKE

Translated from the Chaotic

Along the Elfroad the drummer sets the pace,

A parade for every woman, man, zir, class and race. 

Down from the Stonecrows the parade marches to Towyn,

From Neath Maddoc Pointe the Olde folk have come back around. 

For the carnival has been called at the hornsman's behest,

And the Good Sir Duke expects all at their best. 

It's an all white party but just come as you are, 

Though in that flesh suit I don't think you'll get far.

Just shake off that mess and release the skeleton within,

You'll never believe how good you look thin.

Forget too your crowns, the jewels and silken finery,

That brooch and brocade now fit for the swinery.

It's a family reunion and all must attend,

For this is the final parade, finito, the end.

But when his trumpet announces our singular band leader,

Oh! Best believe the sound of doom has never been sweeter.

Grandmaster of dance, man of the people and patron of the arts,

Sir Duke loves us all and is here for our hearts.

So come on, join us, flense off that flesh,

You'll find these new steps are fo sho mad fresh.